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Sunday, October 21st, 2001
12:40 am - hmmm..

</font>

(2 your losing me | controling me)

12:31 am - I'm a pretty little bumble bee...
ahhhh halloween season is back and i am lovin it.. riiiiggggghhhhhhhhtttt. this creepy man was walkin in front of my store while i was standin out side and he was lickin his lips and was like mmmmmmmmmmm! it was so gross. but i do have to say there was a lot of hot men in the mall tonite i dunno what it was. so that was a goo thang. me and my other co-worker (dressed as a nun) were dancin in the hallway all night and we dancin to my favorite baby got back! everybody was fallin out laughin. i am tired but all in all it wasn't that bad. and people were really nice and said i look really cute as a bumble bee. i think i am goin to get the costume for a party i am goin to next weekend. but it is time for me to get my ass to bed. oh man i almost forgot next sat. will mark 1 year for me workin at spencer's. go me, go me!

current mood: sleepy

(controling me)

Monday, October 8th, 2001
8:05 pm - just breath...
okay, i haven't been postin cuz i be busy. at work now we have to wear costumes and it fuckin sucks b/c my whole school shops at the mall i work at and i don't want them to see me! i have to dress up as a Bumble Bee b/c that is the only costume that doesn't tak much to put on. Sometimes i wonder why i work at Spencers. anyway this college thing is really gettin to me i have to do all this shit and i don' wanna, but i must go to college. And i was talkin to this girl in the hall way about our majors we want to do and college shit, and i was like i have no i idea what to write my essay about. i mean one of the questoin that i would write about is who is the one person that has impacted ur life and why? but the one person that has impacted my life was my friend Lydia. i mean the girl was supper smart and beautiful. and she committed suicide when i was in tenth grade. she has had a major impact in her life and death, yet i dunno if i wanna write about that for my college essay plus it would explain a lot about what i am goin through now but i am sure the damn thing would be way too long. so i dunno what the fuck i am goin to do! argh! i want to trade places wit my 2 year old brother right now and not have a care in the world.

current mood: distressed

(1 your losing me | controling me)

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2001
7:43 pm - sing a ong with me ....
i fucking haaaatttteee school! fuckin hate it with a passion. and senior year fucking blows because of all this wooooooorrrrrrrrkkkkk! <<<<<<--------- mod ur the only one who knows what this would sound like.

anyway i fuckin tired i have to read 12 books of the Iliad and do 6 journal entries for my english class, but in the words of my eng. teacher " FUCK THAT!". i am fucked b/c it is due tomorrow and i haven't started yet. will somebody fuckin shoot me!!!!! well i guess i should start ( crying )... please somebody shut my school down anyway possible please. this is fuckin bullshit.

(3 your losing me | controling me)

Thursday, September 27th, 2001
1:33 pm - fuck!
i don't wanna go to work. i wanna stay home and get higher than a motherfucker. but no i have to go to work. i just hope i don't get tackled to the ground and attacked by my fellow co-workers... long story. anywhoo i am tired as shit and don't feel like doin this whole school thang anymore. but one must graduate and college to be sucessful right? what a load of bullshit.

(2 your losing me | controling me)

Friday, September 21st, 2001
5:21 pm - another moment.....
.... me, mod, jazzmen and ash went to McDonogh lookin for this boy durin the middle of day. we were not dressed right b/c this school is all proper and shit and we r in jeans and stufflookin all out of place so we walk around the campus nad go to an office and lie and say we r interested in info about the school to see if we could find his number, email.....somethin... but no luck. so we leave the school and we end up goin to Pizza Hut and when we walk in it is like half of the Boy's Latin football team so we r like sweet! hell yeah. but when we sat down and looked they were okay. so we go to order food and the waitress is like " u know ur orderin a lot of food here" and we r like really and we cancel one of the things we order. well we get the onion rings and the shit is all like shoe string and thin and shit and it is bad. finally we get the pizza and we all have a piece but we had been waitin so long ash wasn't hungry anymore. me and mod have another piece and mine is all burnt on the bottom and nasty and i flip over the rest of the slices and they r all burnt and messed up. so i call the manager and we get a cheap meal but my stomach is killin me and i feel like i am goin to throw up buit i have to drive. it wasn't pretty! my fuckin stomach hurt so bad and my window was down just in case i got sick but i was cursin b/c my stomach hurt so bad and i am like " fuckin stupid piece of shit and thios fguy next to me is like hey man the hell with u. asnmd drives off. it was ridiculous.

current mood: embarrassed

(controling me)

4:55 pm - i have been slackin off...
i know, i know.... but a bitch be tired and shit. but i do have some things to write down some embarrasin thing that has happen to me since the last time i wrote. well it all started last week when i was sittin in english class and i had to pee really bad. so i get up and evryone in the class sorta stops talkin and the teacher watches me run out of the class to leave. so i bolt out of the class for the bathroom and go to one stall and there is no toilet paper so i got the next and tha roll of toilet paper is floatin in the toilet so i am like "FUCK ME!!!!!!!" Then i go to the next and finally there is some paper so i go to the bathroom and flush and what do u know my nose starts bleedin so i panic and i and tryin to stop it with tissue and i throw the tissue in the toliet and it slows up after a bit. so i am like it is ok i am goin to be fine. so i go to flush the toilet and the shit EXPLODES!!!!! there is water everywhere and i am slippin and fallin almost hit my head on the rail or some shit....i can't get the door open but final i get the bitch open and have to go flyin down the hallway in soakin wet sandels that r slidin all over the place to the office to tell them to call someone b/c the toilet exploded. it was aweful i wanted to die! my feet was covered in toilet water. my pants were wet and i had to go back to class. once i get back my friend lindsay is lookin at me funny and is like that took u long enough and i am like u have no idea and i tell her what happen and she starts crackin up in the middle of class. it was the worst day ever....... must continue in another post each episode gets its own entry.....

current mood: amused

(5 your losing me | controling me)

Thursday, September 13th, 2001
9:42 pm - this was sent to me and i found it very interesting.....
The Good Neighbor. Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to an editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television
commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record:

"This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth. Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States. When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw
it. When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped. The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans. I'd like to see just one of those countries
that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American Planes? Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon - not once, but several times - and safely home again. You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded.They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here. When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking Down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke. I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake. Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those."

Stand proud, America! This is one of the best editorials that I have ever read regarding the United States. It is nice that one man realizes it. I only wish that the rest of the world would realize it. We are always blamed for everything, and never even get a thank you for the things we do.

current mood: i dunno

(7 your losing me | controling me)

Wednesday, September 12th, 2001
12:00 am - life changed forever.....
i got to speak to my aunt. i am so happy thank god she is alive. she was talkin to me and she said she was lookin at the buildin on tv and she was like i am so lucky. the crash and explosion was only 3 corridors away. it wa so good to hear her voice. i mean we were talkin she was tellinme she has been through the civil rights movement with bein jailed and knocked around, embassy hold ups, hostage situations, being shot at, family threaten and i was amazed to hear how calm she was i mean to go through something like that i would be flippin out but i guess she is train and has gone throught things like this that she doesn't panic. we just talked and she said something that maybe i will repeat later if it breaks tomorrow in the news. i mean it did sort of tonight but i am not sayin any info that has been kept under wraps.


***** while i have been writing i have been watchin the news. they say now people r callin from the rubble from their cell phones to be saved and they r not goin in to get them tonight. i pray they can hold on till tomorrow. i pray they do

current mood: to many to put into words

(controling me)

Tuesday, September 11th, 2001
8:56 pm - this world is pretty fucked up and also the people in it.
today was horrible. my heart goes out to the families of the injured and lost. b/c i thought i was earlier. my aunt works in the pentagon and for like and hour or 2 i didn't know if she was dead or alive and it scared me and wanted my mom and i couldn't get in touch with her and i didn't know what was goin on b/c at first it said there was a fire out side the buildin. so i was freakin out in my class and this girl next to me tells me to be quite and i swear i wanted to dropkick her in her head. i mean what the fuck! so i get to a phone and call my mom finally and she was cryin and i thought my aunt was gone but she is like i am ok and ur aunt is ok she got out but it was near her i am just waitin for her to get home now. my whole body felt relief and then my mom was like ur cousin marie i dunno know where her buildin is in downtown NYC so i am really worried. but we found out tonight that she was 6-8 blocks away and that she is ok. it was just such a roller coaster.

but let me say i was so upset at people today this girl at my school while me and mod r eatin is like sayin WE ARE ALL GOIN TO DIE. Kristie tells me this woman comes into spencers and buy something and while kristie is ringin her up she says ISN'T IT A WONDERFUL DAY TO GO SHOPPIN. AND and the woman knew what happen in ny and dc . Krisite also tells me this teacher at her sister's school asked where this one girl was and she was in
the office b/c she was cryin b/c she can't find her dad and brother who work in the pentagon and her mom doesn't either. well the teacher says DON'T TELL ME ANOTHER STUDENT IS SKIPPIN MY CLASS B/C OF THEIR FAMILY.

sometimes i just don't get people. i am just glad i have my friend and family. and once again my heart goes out for those who don't.

current mood: angry

(controling me)

Friday, August 31st, 2001
12:32 am - i don't like this.........
i haven't been feelin quite righ lately and mary said that either i am havin summer blues or the depression is comin back and if it gets worst i am goin to have to take meds again. argh!!! i don't wanna take meds. i mean i got out of deep depression without takin them and i can do it this time too right...... i hope soo

mood:depressed
music:kenna - man fading

(controling me)

Friday, August 24th, 2001
11:38 pm - argh!
fuckin live journal piece of shit..... no i take that back i am just mad it is not workin, and has not been workin for the past few days. fuck! anyway i am tired as shit had another long day. with crazy ass people but there was a lot of hot college men buyin shit for their dorms. so at least i had eye candy heheheh. ash and dave stopped by to see me.. i love them so much. ummmmm let's see i called ian and we r suppose to go out monday. i can't wait i have missed him so.... i love him too he is th best. tomorrow i am goin to the eastern shore for a crab feast wooo hoo ...help me it is goin to be a family thang. any hoo night everybody much love to all.

(controling me)

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2001
12:48 am - hmmmm
i feel like drinkin right now i have been drink much more i have a had a drink everyday for awhile it is nice and i found out to day i got mad people to get me liquor includin my mom. yes! also need to smoke weed soon... mod we need to get together to do our thang...but not in the house b/c i would hate to have to pass a joint to a fuckin ghost yo. i mean it would total fuck wit my head. i have to go to bed soon gettin real tired i hve to work tomorrow 12-6:30 in the lovely mall. but it will be funny as hel b/c tomorrow is mike's last day at spencers so he will bne cursin at people and shit! i can't wait..... hehehehe (evil grin) night night

***muah*** much love

(controling me)

Tuesday, August 21st, 2001
11:23 pm - small survey
1. Open up your CD player, what's inside?
blink-182

2. Look in your VCR, is there a movie?
quills

3. If there happens to be music playing right now, what is it?
kenna - freetime

4. What are you wearing?
white socks, light yellow draw-string pants and a gray fillabong university t-shirt

5. Look down, what's the first thing that catches your eye?
a weed leaf on my shirt


6. Turn on your TV if it's not on already, what network is it?
mtv2

7. Look out the window, what's the weather like?
nice night but a little warm

8. If you were to hit redial on your phone right now, where would it call?
i dunno, lindsey

9. Say "hello?" out loud, did anyone answer?
nope fam is restin

10. What are you planning on doing next as soon as you get offline?
take my ass upstairs to my room and watch tv and drift off to sleep

current mood: sick

(2 your losing me | controling me)

Monday, August 20th, 2001
12:54 pm - home sweet home
i am back from nyc and i had a good time i ahd time this summer to relax woooo hoooo! and i got a great welcomin on the first night by seein a hit and run. the guy that was hit wa s layin on the ground not movin at all and his bike was messed up and it was scary cuz he wasn't movin and there was a crowd. finally the ambulance came but it was there for a while and they hadn't touched the guy yet but finally they did and they put a neck brace and wrapped him up and took him away....... scary shit yo that is all i got to say!

but other than that i had a great time. we just chilled and relaxed. we went down to 36th street and walked around and while i was there i had some amazin food. i bought some cd's and a video. so now i am back in baltimore the home i love.... sometimes and i have to say i missed home and my friends, weird.

current mood: good

(controling me)

Thursday, August 16th, 2001
11:02 pm - woooo hooo
goin to NEW YORK tomorrow thank god! gettin away from this fuckin place called baltimore yesssss! i am goin to have fun and have a vacation. i will see u all on monday.

p.s. mod u gotta tell me all about nova scotia maybe it wasn't that bad after all :)

current mood: ecstatic

(1 your losing me | controling me)

Wednesday, August 15th, 2001
7:27 pm - linds sent this to me... it represents me well
Friend,
When you are sad,.....I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue, .....I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, .....I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared, .....I'll rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried, .....I'll tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused, .....I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick, .....stay away from me until you're well again. I DON'T want whatever you have.

When you fall, .....I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath, .....I pledge 'til the end.

Why, you may ask?

Because you're my friend!

current mood: amused

(controling me)

Sunday, August 12th, 2001
11:29 pm - scared for life
i saw this and i will be scared for life, so i thought i would share the wealth i hope it works.

(controling me)

10:58 pm - recap of weekend
okay friday went to the movies with andy and lauren both guys and we saw american pie 2. i haven't had a good laugh like that in awhile the movie rocked and the soundtrack was good. i had fun with them but andy told me he wasn't comin back to park which is my school when were at subway eating and i started to cry. i felt like a dork sittin there cryin but i am goin to miss that boy. i was suppose to go to a party after the movies but i was like no i am tired and it is probably goin to suck and i called my friend linds the next day and i was right. so that takes us to sat. well after work sat. my co-worker kristie invited me to go shoot some pool wit her and her friends and i said no b/c they were goin around 10 and once i got to the pool hall i could only stay for a bit then get home b4 12 b/c of stupid fuckin provisionals. i hate that shit! so i stayed in and shit and listen to my new blink 182 cd which is so good and i watched snatch the new dvd i bought along with hackers which i have to watch when it comes on (did i mention i am a dork). oh i almost forgot my fuckin car is actin up. what the fuck is goin on.... i guess i am goin to have to go threw another dark period again i hate that shit and i know it doens't sound like that much is goin on but there isn't enough time or room to type everything that i have been feeling and thinkin. i am slowin slippin back to my depression days and i don't like it. i miss my friends real bad old and new and it is bumming me out.

current mood: depressed

(controling me)

10:24 pm - i hate fuckin computers!
okay get this yesterday i get off work and i am like i should get online and post then chat wit so friends and it will be cool. i go to sign on and my fuckin internet doesn't work. i tried for fuckin hours tryin to sign on and the shit didn't work. i called tech support and they close at 10 on the weekend fuckin 10 that is bullshit. so today my dad spends 2 hours on the phone with tech support for them only to tell him to uninstall compuserve and shit and get a new cd and download it. so thanx to my fuckin dad not lettin me do shit with the comp since he is an idiot all my fuckin files r gone and my saved email and documents. i am so fuckin pissed! fuck the bullshit computers suck!

(1 your losing me | controling me)

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